– What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
– I’m hungry = I’m hungry
– I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
– I’m tired = I’m tired
– What’s wrong? = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
– Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
– Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
– I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

A Man’s Guide To Female English

– We need to talk = I need to complain
– Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
– I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
– We need = I want
– It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
– Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
– I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
– You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
– You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
– I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
– Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
– I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
– I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
– Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
– I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
– Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
– How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
– I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
– Is my ass fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
– You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
– Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
– Yes = No
– No = No
– Maybe = No
– I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
– This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
– Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
– Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
– All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

•  PUPILS   If she’s feeling stimulated by you (not just sexually), her pupils will dilate. that’s because her body is programmed to want to see more of whatever’s exciting her, so her brain tells her irises to let in more light. Bonus: As the inkiness spreads, she’ll start looking better to you, too. Research shows that men rate women with larger pupils as more attractive. time to make your move.
• EYELASHES    Hold her gaze for a minute. If she’s blinking more than normal (which is about 15 times a minute), there’s a good chance she’s on the Pill; women on birth control blink 32% more than those who aren’t. Aside from the obvious, what does that mean for you? Put on your toughest, most confident mug as you look at her. Because of the shift in hormone levels, research says, women on the Pill are more attracted to men with rugged features, such as strong, wide jaws.
• BRAIN    She’s matching you drink for drink, you’re starting to feel like reenacting Animal House, but she seems like her same old self. What’s the deal? Men and women get different kinds of buzzes: Men lose inhibitions, while women become sedated. If you’re looking to get her into the party spirit, don’t feed her more alcohol. Instead, feed the jukebox. Research shows that mid- to fast-tempo music will make her more social.
• BELLY     Want to know if it’s a good or bad time to broach a tricky conversation? You can tell if she’s suitably relaxed by her breathing pattern. If her stomach pulls in with each inhala­tion, she’s taking shallow breaths from her chest, which indicates stress. keep your distance. If her abdomen and chest expand with each inhalation, she’s taking deeper, more rhythmic breaths—a sign of relaxation. Go for it.
• NOSE     Her sense of smell is sharpest first thing in the morning, which, aside from being a good reason to brush your teeth immediately, makes it the best time to impress her with your culinary skills. That’s because 90% of taste is really smell. Treat her to a breakfast in bed consisting of warmed banana-nut bread, which has an aroma that, according to one study, increases bloodflow to the vagina. And that may lead to a dif­ferent kind of morning treat.
• CHEST    Sex flush, a pinkish look to the skin of her chest, occurs during foreplay. It stems from changes in blood pressure and circulation, along with pulse and respiration rates. Think of it as her coy way of telling you that if you keep doing what you’re doing, you just might get lucky. Another sign that things are working: A woman’s breasts can swell by as much as 25% as things turn hot and heavy.
• SMALL OF HER BACK    As she moves toward orgasm during sex, she’ll begin to arch her back. Hold her tight around the small of her back at this point and stay attuned to how much she’s arch­ing. And, for God’s sake, do not let up; maintain the same rhythm and intensity of stimulation until she climaxes. She’ll pay you back for this later, with interest.
• FINGERNAILS    Pay attention to her fingers; among the surest signs of anxiety or depres­sion in a woman are body-focused repetitive behaviors, such as skin picking and nail biting. If you see her doing that, don’t nag her to stop; that can send her deeper into a spiral. Instead, gently pull her hand away, give it a squeeze, and hold on to it. Feel the tension ooze right out.
• HANDS    If it seems as if she always has cold hands, that’s because she does—almost 3° colder than yours, possibly more if she’s stressed. Women’s bodies, even more than men’s, are programmed to keep their cores warmer than their extremities. So to warm her hands up, don’t massage them; wrap your arm around her waist. this will warm her core and allow blood to flow back into her hands.
• SCHEDULE    Okay, you should know enough about your partner’s menstrual cycle to know when to leave her alone. Now add this to your arsenal: two weeks after her period begins, she will be at her highest sexual awareness, guaranteed. Female sexual motivation is highest when she’s ovulating. KEEP IN MIND: this is also when she’s most likely to get pregnant.

“Lasting harmony with a woman. An undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully.” ~Albert Einstein

IF ALL ELSE FAILS...TRY THIS!!

To all the “nice guys” in the world:
 You always spend your time complaining that the girls never go for you. You claim they always go for the “asshole” or the jerk, anyone who mistreats them basically. I’m writing this to tell you that you’re wrong. Maybe it’s all of you who are going after the wrong girl. It’s not our fault that you take it upon yourself to chase the women who are uninterested. And they’re not even uninterested, they’re just blind to the idea that the men they desire are not as well balanced as they imagine them to be. We notice the good qualities you possess and see more than just potential friendship. And by we, I mean all of us girls or women out there that just stand by and be the friend of the guy who is stuck being the friend of some girl who plays with his heart “unintentionally”. We are that friend….. read more

Anyway..I have a few things on my mind lately. I have a total peeve…and I know that all you lady’s know exactly what I’m talking about.. Ok, what the hell is up with guys and the photos they post on sites like hot or not…myspace..facebook??? Seriously..Do men just generaly not care what they are putting out there?? I have seen soo many bad photos of otherwise good looking men. They just don’t seem to care what pics are seen. COME ON! If you want to be noticed..post a decent pic. ADVERTISE. I’m not tryng to be shallow but as we all know the first thing anyone notices on the web is what you look like. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. Thats what gets your foot in the door. Try it out. See what happens.